Dear bearer of the small penis… No, you, nigga! Don’t click
out of the page. I’m talking to yo’ ass!
Have you any idea the package you
bear? My assumption is no. I mean, how
could you know? It’s not like men sit around and compare dick size… Or do they?
I don’t think it’s like women, how we walk around naked in front of each other
with no problem, or compliment each other’s features: Girl, your ass is so fat. I wish I had a booty like that. Or Girl, you’ve got the most perfect titties
I’ve ever seen. Can I touch ‘em?
Could you imagine? Men’s locker
room at the gym, guy comes out of the shower and another guy sees his package: Yo, homie, ya joint lookin’ mad nice yo. How
many inches are you?
Bwahahahaha!!! The thought alone is
comical! So, yeah, I’m convinced, men can’t possibly know they’ve got small
penises, cuz they don’t really have anything to compare it to. I mean, he can’t
compare it to porn, cuz everything looks bigger on TV. And porn guys use pumps
and pills and all kinds of shit to make their dicks look presentable. And if a
woman is feeling you, she’s not gonna tell you your joint is small –which is
why waiting to sleep with a guy is
ALWAYS a risky thing. You get to know him, get your feelings in it, then *BAM* he whips it out and it looks like a
big toe or something! Naaaaaah! 90 days,
my ass!!
Sidenote: If you have a small package, you do NOT have a dick,
sir. You, my dear, have a penis. And
if she does think it’s small, she’s
still gonna fuck you. If you men didn’t know, let me inform you… Once a woman
decides she wants to take you down, she’s going
to take you down! If you’re in her plans, it’s going down –unless you’ve got a
dirty dick. WHY??? Because we DO know that sometimes, size DOESN’T matter, and that “motion in the ocean” bullshit isn’t
always bullshit.
So yeah, she’ll give you a chance
to change her opinion of you from “JUST nigga with a little penis” to “A nigga
with a little penis WHO CAN…” And trust me, if you’re a nigga with a little
penis, you never wanna be JUST a nigga with a little penis. You better make it
your life’s duty to bust that twat ALL the way down! We know you can’t reach
the bottom, nigga, but you can tear those walls UP!!! You bend her ass up in
some kinda position where EVERYTHING is out of your way. No thighs, no ass, no
legs, no lips, just vag –ALL vag! And you dig that shit OUT!
And you can do it, little homie.
I’ma tell you why… (My ladies may hate me for this next revelation, but I
have to tell it. I’m trying to do a public service here, people!) You know how
when we’re fucking you, we can throw our legs all the way back behind our
heads, and do all kinds of crazy splits on the dick, and have the deepest arch
when you’re giving those backshots that you’ve EVER seen??? It ain’t cuz we’re talented (even though that’s a partial
factor). It’s because there’s not a huge DICK up in the way stabbing us in the
gut! The only reason a woman can do all that crazy shit with a man with a real
dick is because 1) She’s got all this adrenaline from showing off to impress
his ass –yeah, women’s egos are WAY
bigger than men’s- so it actually doesn’t hurt at that moment. 2) She’s a real fucking trooper and she’s
taking that pain, cuz she’on wanna look like a punk bitch! Or 3) [And this is NOT the ideal situation]
Homegirl’s snatch has died. It’s snatch-less, doesn’t have any fucking walls.
Her shit is run down, and beat all the way up. And neither she nor he feels ANYTHING.
**Moment of
silence for bitches with dead poon**
Aaaand we're back! So how, you may ask, do you deduce whether or not you’ve got a small penis??? I’m gonna tell you that, too. There are multitudes of ways to do it without pulling out instruments of measurement. I know those things are embarrassing for you. Don’t worry boo; I’m on your side :-) So here we go... You know how you’re getting it in and she’s super wet… and you keep falling out of the vag? And you're thinking one of two things: either she's got loose poon or she's just a super soaker. Well, I'm here to inform you that neither of those are the case. If YOU keep falling out, it's you. Yes, you’ve got a small penis. It’s not her. Have you ever tried to throw a hot dog down a hallway???
Another way you can tell if you’re not quite there in the size department is on your very first insertion. If you slide up in her and she doesn’t moan, wince, inhale, exhale heavily –no type of sound that signifies pleasure or pain… You get the point.
Another way (and this is the last one I’m giving you) to tell if you’ve got a penis vs a dick is when she goes down on you… If she wraps her hand around your situation and more than 50% of it is covered… yeah. You, sir, have what we call, a penis.
SO¸
now that we’ve figured out that you’ve got a penis, what do you do about it?
Well, sir, I can’t really answer that for you. If you’re truly ready to accept
what you were cursed with, my best advice to you is this: Find you a woman with
little to no ass. I know these days that’s extremely
hard to find with all the purchasable options out there, but they DO still
exist. Or you find a woman with one
of those tiny vaginas. They’re plentiful in the Asian and Eastern European
regions (so I’ve heard). They don’t even have lips –just a slit, a clit, and a
hole. Again, this is only what I’ve heard.
“Follow these words, you’ll have mad bread to break up. If
not 24 years on the wake up. Slug hit your temple, watch yo’ frame shake up.
Caretaker did your makeup.”
Ok, ok! You won’t make mad money, and
you won’t die (as long as you wrap it up and don’t slip up on no Ooh-Wee *the
bad variety*). But you should be
better off in the sack. Ladies, help ‘em out. Move that ass out the way. Let
him get his little self all the way up in there. “Spread Love. It’s the Brooklyn way!”
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